Quiz: Which Voting Plea Floats Your Vote?
Posted in — Oct 23, 2020
Ever wondered which approach is most effective in motivating you, and everyone you know, to vote? Maybe you respond best to a straightforward ask, an urgent demand or impassioned please. Perhaps it’s a haiku, limerick, or colorful/convoluted euphemism that really gets you going (to the polls). Now's your chance to find out!
Review the list below. When you get to one that convinces you to vote, go vote. Share with friends to see what floats their vote. Let's democracy!
- Stop reading this. Go vote. As a reward, continue reading this when you return.
- If you do not go vote right now, reading the rest of this is your punishment.
- Votar. 投票. Bumoto. Votazione. Voter. Abstimmung. Bỏ phiếu. (Blame Google Translate if that didn't get all our Spanish-, Japanese-, Chinese-, Tagalog-, Italian-, French-, German-, and Vietnamese-speaking American friends to vote.)
- Vote, dammit!
- Vote, please.
- In the name of all that is good-golly goodness, vote.
- Ask 10 people to vote. When they ask if you voted “hotshot,” be able to honestly answer yes.
- Beg 10 people to vote. It could be the same people above or a new group of 10.
- 10 is kind of an arbitrary number, you’re right. It could be a different number than 10. The number could be even, or possibly odd, but should definitely be a positive whole number between 1 and any other positive whole number. (Fractions may be problematic.) Be creative and find the number that is right for you and your family.
- Did you vote yet?
- Explore immediate ballot completion.
- Personally exercise democracy implementation.
- FINE: Finesse Important Nominee Electing
- Go color in some dang bubbles, dude. It doesn’t take a genius.
- Picture this. You and your significant other get a nice bottle of wine, some cheese, maybe a lovely seasonal fruit tart, put it all in an artisanal wicker picnic basket along with one of those gingham tablecloths nobody owns except in stock photos, set up at the perfect pond-adjacent spot in Golden Gate Park, Central Park, Forest Park—any park, really—roll up your GAP-branded sleeves, toss some breadcrumbs to the mallards, snap one picture for Instagram, and immediately pack it all up and go vote.
- Do the poll dance.
- Become a citizen of Suffragette City.
- Apply early decision and promptly matriculate to the Electoral College.
- Move “vote” from your To Do list to your Has Been Done list.
- Weigh the pros and pros of voting. It's just a one-column table.
- Implement measurable volitionary tactics.
- Leave no chad hanging.
- When in Rome, do as the Greeks did.
- We only have a handful of elections before the computer robot overlords take over and end all human volition as we know it, so get your vote in while you can.
- Don't bail out on your ballot.
- Shave your head and give up all your worldly belongings and join a zen monastery and when your monk teacher asks you that fateful question "what is the sound of one hand clapping?" respond with confidence "the sound of one hand clapping is the sound of not voting," and realizing that you have achieved total enlightenment, you start growing your hair back and you march out of that dusty old monastery right away and get back in time to vote next Tuesday.
- Same as above, except with that question about whether anyone hears a tree falling in a forest. Or whatever. Point is all those questions about things that go unheard, uncounted, or unvoiced can be answered with "not voting"—and then you march straight out of the monastery to your registered polling place.
- Bad news is who/what you vote for has never been more divisive. But the great news is whether you vote has never seemed more universal.
- That guy who got TikTok-famous and got a free truck for drinking cranberry juice while skateboarding to Fleetwood Mac voted and we all want to be like him, so...
- LA LA LA LA LA LA vote.
- Our votes splash like water
Washing others off
- There once were some humans who voted,
Whose every selection was toted.
They filled out their ballots
Like eating great salads,
A fiber for conscience unbloated.
- FINE: Factor Into Next Election
- If you are a computer robot from a future where voting is still possible, or if you are a developer today: 01110110 01101111 01110100 01100101 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111
- Try this incredibly delicious two-step recipe for the best French toast ever.
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
¼ teaspoon ground nutmeg
2 tablespoons sugar
4 tablespoons butter
¼ cup milk
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
8 slices challah, brioche, or white bread
½ cup maple syrup, warmed
(2) Come back and make awesome French toast.
- Vote. It's what gives you the right to complain.
— George C.
- There is no such thing as a vote that doesn't matter.
— Barry O.
- Vote, because there're all kinds of great quotes about why you should vote and not a single good one about why you shouldn't (we checked).
- If you are a big fan of free stickers, have we got good news for you.
- Would it kill you to vote?
- If you've made it this far, clearly you enjoy reading, have a taste for the absurd, and are undoubtedly a member of the informed voting electorate upon which our very democracy depends.
- When people ask you what your favorite dinosaur is, you can hunch slightly, pull your arms in short, roll your head around and growl "Votasaurus Rex!"
- Pay back any brave souls who fought for your right to vote. Sure, maybe old George Washington and company got the ball rolling and stuck it to King George, so that covers some of you. But since then, there were times when you couldn't vote if you were not white, you were a woman, you didn't pay "poll tax," you were under 21, you couldn't get your wheelchair up a flight of stairs, you couldn't wait in line for 3+ hours, you didn't speak fluent English, you preferred not to get threatened or beat up, or you didn't own property. Some of those times were as recent as last week.
- Spotify's Voting Playlist includes James Brown, Sam Cooke, Donna Summer, Green Day, Childish Gambino, The Who, Kendrick Lamar, Lana Del Rey, Meek Mill, John Legend, The Beatles, The Smiths, Beyoncé, and many more. Spotify's Don't Vote Playlist doesn't exist, but if it did, it would include only Reich-approved polka music on an endless loop, and it would replace all other playlists. You decide!
- Come up with the voting plea that you think would be most effective in getting someone to vote. Go practice it in the mirror until it works perfectly. Ha! Gotcha!
- Just to show you how easy voting is, let's do a practice vote. Find the official ballot you were sent in the mail. Fill in the bubbles next to the candidates and propositions you think are the very best choices. Do a little research if you need to; it's all on the Internet. Put the ballot in the envelope provided, follow the instructions for filling it out, and either put it in the mail or drop it off at an official ballot drop-off location. See, wasn't that easy? Let's practice again next time an election comes around!
- You're not about to say you're not even registered yet, are you? Well, there may still be a chance, so go check deadlines and details in your state.
- Your vote matters. You matter. Pretty please, vote.
- Thank you for voting.